Two big events

First Big Event

On Friday morning I went to the Women's Breast Health Centre to have a clip insertion. This means that, with the help of ultrasound, the Radiologist inserted a clip (a stainless steel object about the size of a grain of sand) into the center of my tumor. The reason they do this is because if all goes well the chemo will completely dissolve my tumor and then the surgeon will use the clip to know the exact location of the tissue he needs to remove.

It did hurt. I found out afterwards from the nurse (she says they never tell patients this before their diagnosis) that it is very difficult to freeze malignant tumors. Now that I know this I understand why I felt some pain during my original biopsy.

I also had the Radiologist use the ultrasound to examine my lyph nodes for a second time. There is some confusion as to whether my nodes are inflamed or not (the original u/s says no and the MRI says that 2 are bigger than they should be...but I had a flu just before the MRI that could explain that). The new u/s showed that my lyph nodes look just fine. This is really good news because if the cancer spreads to any nodes then that could mean the removal of quite a few of them which can permanently effect my arm movement and cause lyphodema.



Second Big Event

My hair started falling out Friday evening. When I would run my fingers through my hair I would have around 20 hairs in my fingers. Grace would tug at my hair and she would pull out a hand full. So, Saturday morning I made an appointment at Carolyn's Salon (a spa on Merivale Road which specializes in various hair loss issues and the place where I bought my wig). Grace and my mother came with me for emotional support and watched as I had my hair chopped off and then got a buzz cut. I cried a little...I knew I would. The hair stylist, Michelle, was fantastic and very understanding. I donated my hair to Angel Hair which will make a wig from my locks and donate it to a child at CHEO whose parents can't afford to buy a wig. The picture to the right was taken after I stopped crying. My hair was thick and long enough that they will be able to make a complete wig with my hair alone.
How does it feel? GREAT!!!! My head is so much lighter and cooler. I love the feeling of my brush cut (although all the hair will fall out in a couple of days). When I take a shower or lie down on my pillow my hair isn't getting in the way. I've already started to steal Kevin's baseball hats.

My Fabulous New Hair

Yesterday I went with my friend Lisa to pick out my new wig. I settled on a synthetic modern bob cut in a slightly darker brown than my natural colour.

A synthetic wig means that I can't stand too close to BBQs or ovens or else the fibres will melt, but it also means that I will NEVER have to style it as it will always dry back into its original shape after I wash it.....YAY! Don't ask me how much it was.

Why me?

When I first was told my diagnosis (a month ago tomorrow) I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. When I would see pregnant women or women with infants I would wonder why my perfect life was interrupted, why not someone else's? I don't have thoughts like that anymore but instead I notice small children in wheelchairs and think "why NOT me?" If these little kids can deal with an entire life in a wheelchair dealing with whatever side effects come along with the disease that put them in their chairs in the first place, then I'll deal too. And I'll rejoice that Grace is healthy while doing it.
A big thank you to Robyn, Reese, Carmen, Rosie and Harinder for all your help today.

No weird side effects to report

I'm feeling fine! Sometimes I get a little tired, so I have a nap. The biggest discomforts have been that I have been engorged due to weening Grace and my arm where I have the p.i.c.c. line hurts.
We went to the Experimental Farm today for the long weekend festivities. We watched some sheepdog herding and saw some sheep get sheared. Grace loved it! So did I.

Chemo was uneventful

If you have to have a chemo administering experience, which I hope you never do, then mine was quite nice. I began to cry at one point while the nurse was talking to me and she started comforting me, but she didn't realize I was crying in the first place because she WAS SO NICE. It reminded me of how many absolutely amazing people I have for my support system. I LOVE YOU ALL!
When Kevin and I showed up at the Cancer Centre and checked in I got to rummage through a bin of chemo hats made by volunteers. I picked a red one and a black one with ladies wearing bright pink dresses. Then Kevin and I were called into the Chemo Room where my nurse, Sue, waited for me. The Chemo Room is HUGE. There are beds and lounge chairs for probably at least 50 patients and everyone seemed to smile at us as we walked by to our place (#10) which was by a big picture window. I asked Sue if I could go to the bathroom first and she pointed me in the right direction. While walking to the bathroom I ran into my new friend Colleen who was getting her treatment too. When she finished up she came back to my seat and got to meet Kevin and tell us a little more about her family and her experiences. Her next treatment will be on the same day and time as mine, so I'll see if I can request a spot close to her next time.
First thing I got was 3 anti-nausea pills and then was taught how to manage and control my nausea symptoms instead of allowing them to control me. Sue started to get ready to inject my drugs when I showed her my p.i.c.c. line. This excited her and she said that I would love having the p.i.c.c. vs. the injections (I hope so because I HATED getting the p.i.c.c. line inserted). Sue then ran the I.V. to my p.i.c.c. and attached the first drug which is called Doxorubicin or Adriamycin (A.K.A. "The Red Devil"). It took 15 minutes for this drug to run though the I.V. and then they attached the 2nd drug called Cyclophosphamide (pronounced sigh-clo-fos-fa-mide) and set it to run into my body for 30 minutes. After a few minutes of this drug I felt a little light headed and woozy. When I mentioned my very mild discomfort to Sue she told me that next time I should make sure that I tell the nurse to set the Cyclophosphamide on a 45 minute timer instead of the usual 30 minutes and that should fix the woozy headache problem. Then we were done. The whole procedure took 90 minutes.
On the way home I realized that I had forgot to have Sue inject the prescription I had brought with me from home. I called my home care nursing service and someone was at my house within a few hours to give me the injection. The injection was in my stomach with a scary looking THICK needle that looked more like a nail. You know how doctors and nurses always say "this won't hurt"? My hunky nurse said "THIS WILL REALLY HURT!". Scary sh*t! But it didn't hurt at all, I guess I had prepared for worse (maybe I was still remembering how horrible my p.i.c.c. insertion was). The worse part about the injection was when my hunky nurse said "I'm going to get you a bandage - not because it's bleeding a lot- but because I can see down the hole" AHHHHHHHHH! :-) He was funny...and did I mention that he was hunky?
I didn't notice any symptoms until around 8:30 when I started feeling a little nauseous (1 out of 10 nauseous) so I took my anti-nausea meds and now it's 10:30 and I'm still feeling okay.
Thanks to Laura Murton for making some very delicious Moroccan Chicken...we gobbled it all up...mmmmmmmm...I need that recipe. Another big thank you to my Auntie Lisee who left her own kids and grand babies at home who were visiting for the long weekend to come and be with me this evening.
One more big thank you and props to my amazing little girl who went to bed fairly easily without any boobies. She's such a good little girl. I love her so much.
I'm going to go relax now...I need to watch last nights season finale of Grey's Anatomy and then I'm off to dreamland (hopefully as easily and peacefully as Grace).

Chemo Day

So, the chemo is starting today. Grace and I had a nice relaxing morning breastfeeding and playing. It was tough knowing that we will never have our boobie time ever again and I am really going to miss it a lot...I know Grace will too. I think that being forced to stop breastfeeding is as tough emotionally on me as knowing that I have to have chemo. It's very sad and I am sobbing right now as I write this. Very Sad.
Yesterday was a busy day. I had to spend most of the day at the General Hospital getting my p.i.c.c. line inserted (way more of a big deal that I had thought), getting an x-ray, getting blood work, going to a chemo information session and getting even more blood work done. After that I came home and spent a few minutes with Grace before running off and trying on more wigs.
Click on the link to see what a p.i.c.c. line is and how it's inserted: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peripherally_inserted_central_catheter
Thanks to Bianca and my sister Dana for coming over and watching Grace while I was running around.

Good Choice

Today I heard the story of another woman in Ottawa who is breastfeeding and was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Her story is very similar to mine in that her surgeon was saying "chemo first" but her oncologist was recommending "surgery first". This woman asked for a 2nd opinion from a doctor located at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto. This doctor specializes in breast cancer in lactating women and told her that the best thing to do would be to have the chemo first which,in the end, is what she decided to do. This makes me feel a lot more comfortable with my decision to start chemo this week.
Less than two days until my first treatment and I am surprisingly calm. I am so thankful for everyone's support and love. I am a very lucky girl.

FRIDAY!

Okay, it's official. I will be starting chemo this Friday. I have to go to the hospital to get the chemo administered and then I get to go home and wait to see how bad I am going to feel. The oncologist says that the average time to feel crappy is about 5 days and then by the time I feel like myself again (in 21 days) it will be time for another treatment. I will have a total of 8 treatments which means that I should be done my chemo in October. Then I will have to start to prepare for the surgery.
On Thursday I will have to go to a Chemo Teaching session to learn about all the wonderful things that will (or could) happen. I will also have to have a pick line put in which means I will have these tubes running out of my arm until all my treatments are complete. The pick line is used to draw blood and to inject the chemo drugs without agitating my veins. If you don't get the pick line then after a few weeks of treatments your arm can really start to hurt. I guess I will figure out a way to cover up the tubes...it is going to be tank top and bathing suit season after all.
I want to thank my friend Laura Murton for coming with me and Grace to the hospital today. She kept Grace entertained while I talked to the doctor and it was nice to have someone there with me for support.
Also, a big thank you to Colleen M. for coming early so that we could finally meet in person. You look so great and I hope I look as good as you after chemo, radiation and surgery. After I have made it through the side effects of the first treatment we will have to get together for some tea.
Tomorrow I wrap up loose ends so that I don't have anything to worry about for a week.

WIGS

Today I went to a salon and tried on wigs. My sister came along to help me out with Grace while the woman at the salon showed me how to select the right kind of wig for me. I brought my camera and was hoping I could take some pictures and then have you help me choose one but I wasn't allowed to take any pictures.
I've narrowed it down to two bob doos. Both are very simular in colour to my natural hair and both cost around the same amount............$500! Good thing my husband has medical insurance through his work that will cover the cost.
When I go back I will try to sneak a couple of pictures because I could really use some help choosing the right doo.

Chemo first????

My surgeon wants me to do the chemo before the surgery. He says that I will have a better chance of not requiring a mastectomy if I go with the chemo first. The drawbacks are:
-I will have 8 chemo treatments instead of the 6 that would have been required if I had the surgery first. The extra 2 treatments put me at a slightly higher risk of not being able to concieve in the future. I will feel pretty crappy for about 5 days after each treatment.
-The oncologist won't have access to the pathology of the tumor which you get from the disection of the tumor once it is removed. Knowing the pathology of the tumor helps the oncologist cater the chemo drugs for the specific type of cancer.
-I won't be eligable for trial drugs which are only available if I were to have the surgery first.

On another note, I spoke on the phone with a nice woman who is my age. She went through this process a year ago and has just finished most of her treatment. I'm thankful to have her to turn to with some of the questions and fears that I have. Thanks so much.

Echo Cardiogram

My heart beat

So this morning I had an echo cardiogram at the General Hospital. This test is done to make sure that my heart is strong enough to endure the chemotherapy. It's an ultra sound of the heart. Everyone in the waiting room was at least 40 years older than me. When I was called in for my exam I had to change into a robe and lie down on a bed. The technician put three sticky probes to my chest and abdomen that were attached to wires. Then she put a paddle against my chest and we got to look at my heart. They will use the results from this test as a baseline against any future tests during or after the chemo. Still no word from my surgeon.

Heard from the oncologist - waiting to hear from the surgeon

So my oncologist, Dr. Song, called me today. She has spoken to my surgeon, Dr. Lorimer, and they have discussed my case. She says that he will call me soon to discuss surgery. So it looks like I will have the surgery first (most likely). I asked Dr. Song if having the surgery or chemo first increases my chances of complete recovery with fewer risks of reoccurances. She said that both choices have the same percentages but that if I have the chemo first then I won't be eligable for the clinical trials.
I told her that I was concerned that Dr. Lorimer has been saying that he thinks that I should have a mastectomy and he still hasn't explained why he thinks that a lumpectomy wouldn't work in my case. She said that she thinks a lumpectomy is still a possability but that I would have to realize that a second surgery to remove the breast may be necessary if they found something (I don't know what yet) in the tumor afterwards. I told her that I had no problem with a mastectomy if it is necessary and a lumpectomy increases my risks of reoccurance but that everyone keeps telling me that the risks are the same. I just don't see that we have got to the point where the amputation of a body part is the only choice.
...It's almost 6:00 and I haven't heard back from my surgeon....maybe tomorrow.

Genetic Testing

For all my family members: I will be getting genetic testing and so will my mom. I think this will involve a long interview and blood work. I got the impression that it takes a long time to get the results back but we will let you know what they are as soon as possible.
xoxox

Meeting with the Oncologist for the first time

Kevin and I went to the Ottawa Cancer Centre at the General Campus of the Ottawa Hospital today to meet my oncologist, Dr. Song. For those of you who are as ignorant as I was about what an oncologist is, she is the doctor who will be responsible for designing my chemotherapy treatment plan.
The abbreviated version of my visit goes like this: She thinks I should have my surgery before my chemotherapy. Once I have the surgery and the tumor is removed they will be able to examine it and get the pathology of the cancer, check for markers and inspect any removed lymph nodes to see if the cancer spread. Once Dr. Song has this pathology then she can design my chemo specifically to my particular case. If I were to have the chemo first the negatives would be that Dr. Song would have to guess which treatment to give me and I would have at least 2 extra chemo applications. The possitive aspects of the chemo first would be that the tumor would still be there and Dr. Song could monitor it's size and see how it react to the chemotherapy.
There was a lot of crying today. I will leave it up to the doctors to decide which treatment I should do first. The only thing that scares me about the chemo is the possible long term effects on my body (it can cause infertility and other forms of cancer like leukemia). I am not affraid of losing my hair...I'll just get really nice hats and a kick ass wig.
What really scares me the most right now is the possible mastectomy. I haven't heard a clear argument from any of my doctors why they think that this might be the way to go but the word "mastectomy" is getting thrown around a lot more than "lumpectomy". It will be harder to recover from a mastectomy and I would need procedures in the future for the reconstruction of a breast. If they tell me that my prognosis would be better with than without the mastectomy then I will be okay with that...but that is not what I am hearing so far, so I just don't get it.
I will blog again when I know more. Dr. Song said she would call me on Monday - I hope I will get some answers.
On the bright note: I ordered Grace's birthday cake today. Mmmmmm. I can't wait.

MRI Results

The results are in from my MRI. The tumor is 1.9 cm - not that big. Two lymph nodes are bigger than normal according to the MRI but the earlier ultra sound didn't see anything unusual and the u/s is usually more sensitive.
None of my questions have really been answered yet. I will have a chest x-ray next week and an abdominal u/s the following week. I will also be getting an echo (cardiac u/s) scheduled soon to make sure that my heart is stong enough for the treatment.