My Surgery is tomorrow

I know that this is very last minute to announce my surgery but nothing was set in stone until yesterday. I have decided to go forward and have the mastectomy with a sentinel node procedure. This KILLED me to have to make this decision but I know that it is the right one and once it had finally been made I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. Because I have multiple (two) malignant tumours in my breast and because I am HER2+ the best chances to avoid a local recurrence is to have the mastectomy. The odds of recurrence after my mastectomy are around 2-5% in my lifetime whereas the odds with the lumpectomy are 2% per year. I plan to live into my 90's, so 60 years from now my odds of recurrence would be 120% with the lumpectomy.
I will be discharged the same day and I will feel pretty out of it for days due to the pain killers. I will be in some pain for a long time (it could be as long as a year) and I won't be able to pick up Grace for about 6 weeks. I'm looking for volunteers to help me take care of Grace, so please contact me if you are willing.
In the new year I will start my radiation treatment which is daily and will last 5 weeks. Then I will have to wait at least a year before I can think about reconstruction. I will probably remove my other breast down the road once I know that I won't have any more kids and then have that breast reconstructed too so that I can be symmetrical again. The good news is that I will have the perkiest boobies no matter how old I get. The bad news is I won't have any sensation in them.
I'm a little scared about the surgery and how much pain I'm going to be in afterwards and how my life will be on hold until I have recovered. I'm worried I won't be able to find enough volunteers to take care of Grace and I know I won't be able to take care of her by myself.
I'm sad that it has had to come to this and I'm sure I will be devastated but I have been too busy stocking up the fridge, doing chores and preparing for tomorrow to really be that upset or let the reality of it sink in. I know that I will feel like a freak show when I have to look at myself in the mirror but my beautiful husband has been nothing but the best. He says that he could care less about what I will look like and (even if he's lying) he's doing a good job at making me feel a little less ugly.
I've got to go now. I have laundry to fold and a weeks worth of meals to make.
See you on the other side.
LOVE!!!!!
Daiva

MRI results aren't that good

So the results are back and they aren't what either the surgeon or I was hoping for. Not only is the tumour the same size as it was before I started chemotherapy but also there are two new masses. My surgeon thinks that my tumour was actually bigger than they thought before (because we could feel the mass shrink during chemo) and a biopsy on the new mass is scheduled for this Wednesday.My surgery may be pushed back while we wait for the results of the biopsy. If the results aren't good then I will most likely require a mastectomy.
I'd like to send out my special thoughts to my friend Laura, who just had a double mastectomy the other day. I love you and I hope you are doing well.