Surgery

I am at the Cancer Centre waiting to see my oncologist and she is 45 minutes behind schedule. I don't know why I kill myself to get to these appointments on time anymore because it seems like she is never on time.
At least this gives me time to finally write down my experience with my surgery. Deciding to get the mastectomy was extremely difficult and it was a decision that I was desperately trying to avoid. But once I realised that it was the only choice, I knew I was making the right decision and all of a sudden I was very calm and not nervous or devastated. I was extremely busy the few days before the surgery. I thought that I would be too tired or sore to do anything.
Kevin drove me to the General Hospital Critical Care wing really early on Nov. 27. We had to be there at 6:30 in the morning. I checked in and got changed into my gown and booties. Then Kevin and I met with a nurse who told me that my surgery was at 8:00. This surprised me because I was told that it would take all morning to prep me for surgery. I was happy that the surgery was so early because it meant less waiting.I kissed Kevin goodbye and climbed into a bed. They wheeled me into the corridor outside my operating room (room #4). This is where I began to get nervous. I was scared of the anesthesia and worried that I wouldn't wake up. I started to bawl and thought of Grace. The anesthesiologist came and spoke to me and then my surgeon came and signed my right breast (this is to ensure that they remove the correct breast). The nurse then wheeled me into the operating room and preped me.
This is what I remember:
I was moved from my bed to the operating table. The anesthesiologist inserted my I.V. while the nurse introduced me to the team and gave me an oxigen mask. She then put sticky sensors on my body to monitor my vitals. The anesthesiologist injected a drug into my I.V. and told me it was to make me relax. He then said that he would tell me before he gave me the drug that would knock me out. I was pleased with this because I planned to feel myself up one more time. THAT'S ALL I REMEMBER!! He may have warned me and I may have felt myself up but I don't have any memory of it. The next thing I remember is waking up and the nurse telling me I did great while she wheeled me out of the O.R. I thought that I would be in a lot of pain and be upset after my surgery. I also thought that I would feel "different" but in reality I felt little pain and I was the still the same person. Sure I was less one breast but now I am considered CANCER FREE! I remember smiling when I realised this.
I was brought to a large critical care room where I was monitored for about an hour. My temperature was low, so they put a plastic blanket over me and set up a heater to blow under it. Once my temperature was back up I was moved to another room monitoring room. I was here for another couple of hours. The nurses wrapped a tension bandage around my chest and helped me get dressed. They showed me the exercises that I have to do to get my right arm's mobility back to what it was before surgery. I remember a nurse asking me if my husband was good during all of this drama. I started bawling again and tried to tell the nurse between sobs that Kevin was the BEST HUSBAND and that he loved me so much (I don't think I thank him enough for all his absolutely amazing support).
The part where I left this area and was reunited with Kevin is all a little fuzzy. I do remember going home and being reunited with Grace who, a few hours before, I was worried I would never see again.
Oh, my patient designated nurse just walked by and said that I am next. She also said that the pathology from my tissue is back. Ahhhh! I'm suddenly very nervous. I better run. Next, I'll write about my experience once I got home and when I finally had my bandages removed 5 days later.

My Surgery is tomorrow

I know that this is very last minute to announce my surgery but nothing was set in stone until yesterday. I have decided to go forward and have the mastectomy with a sentinel node procedure. This KILLED me to have to make this decision but I know that it is the right one and once it had finally been made I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. Because I have multiple (two) malignant tumours in my breast and because I am HER2+ the best chances to avoid a local recurrence is to have the mastectomy. The odds of recurrence after my mastectomy are around 2-5% in my lifetime whereas the odds with the lumpectomy are 2% per year. I plan to live into my 90's, so 60 years from now my odds of recurrence would be 120% with the lumpectomy.
I will be discharged the same day and I will feel pretty out of it for days due to the pain killers. I will be in some pain for a long time (it could be as long as a year) and I won't be able to pick up Grace for about 6 weeks. I'm looking for volunteers to help me take care of Grace, so please contact me if you are willing.
In the new year I will start my radiation treatment which is daily and will last 5 weeks. Then I will have to wait at least a year before I can think about reconstruction. I will probably remove my other breast down the road once I know that I won't have any more kids and then have that breast reconstructed too so that I can be symmetrical again. The good news is that I will have the perkiest boobies no matter how old I get. The bad news is I won't have any sensation in them.
I'm a little scared about the surgery and how much pain I'm going to be in afterwards and how my life will be on hold until I have recovered. I'm worried I won't be able to find enough volunteers to take care of Grace and I know I won't be able to take care of her by myself.
I'm sad that it has had to come to this and I'm sure I will be devastated but I have been too busy stocking up the fridge, doing chores and preparing for tomorrow to really be that upset or let the reality of it sink in. I know that I will feel like a freak show when I have to look at myself in the mirror but my beautiful husband has been nothing but the best. He says that he could care less about what I will look like and (even if he's lying) he's doing a good job at making me feel a little less ugly.
I've got to go now. I have laundry to fold and a weeks worth of meals to make.
See you on the other side.
LOVE!!!!!
Daiva

MRI results aren't that good

So the results are back and they aren't what either the surgeon or I was hoping for. Not only is the tumour the same size as it was before I started chemotherapy but also there are two new masses. My surgeon thinks that my tumour was actually bigger than they thought before (because we could feel the mass shrink during chemo) and a biopsy on the new mass is scheduled for this Wednesday.My surgery may be pushed back while we wait for the results of the biopsy. If the results aren't good then I will most likely require a mastectomy.
I'd like to send out my special thoughts to my friend Laura, who just had a double mastectomy the other day. I love you and I hope you are doing well.

Eight Chemo Treatments Behind Me

Now that the side effects are wearing off from my eighth chemotherapy treatment I feel like I can finally say that I'm done. It's hard to believe that my first treatment was May 15th and now I am finally through it.
Tomorrow I have an MRI and my surgery is scheduled for Friday, November 13th. My surgeon is encouraged with how my tumour seems to have responded to the chemotherapy. We will know for sure after the MRI but he thinks that I will not need a mastectomy. Yay!
I found out that I will be considered "cancer free" once I have my surgery. Another yay!

This is a picture of me getting my chemotherapy drugs. I have ice mitts on my feet and hands to keep my circulation slow so that the drugs don't go to my fingers and toes. If it had then I could have lost my nails.

This is a picture of me ringing the Victory Bell in the Chemo Ward at the General Hospital.

Thanks Telus and Rethink Breast Cancer

I am writing this post from my NEW BLACKBERRY that was given to me by Telus and an organization called "Rethink Breast Cancer". The service will be covered for a year, free of charge, by Telus. This is through a program called "Technology + Treatment", who's aim is to provide BlackBerries to young women with breast cancer so that they can manage all their appointments and procedures. I've been lugging around a huge binder until now, so the phone comes as a great relief. I also will be able to post more and respond to everyone faster now!
Thank you Telus and Rethink Breast Cancer!

My hair is growing back

This is the first picture that I have posted of myself with no hair. Now that it is starting to grow I think that a part of me is going to miss my bald "egg". It has been really nice during the hot months and I love not having to dry my hair after the shower. I also haven't needed to shave very often (my leg hair seems to have continued to grow but VERY slowly).

I am excited to try new hairstyles that I have always been too chicken to try. I've ALWAYS had the same long hairstyle and now I am going to be able to experiment with short cuts. I also can't wait to see if my hair grows back in straight or curly (so far it looks staight) and if it will be brown or if I will have any new grey hairs.

Genentics test results are in....

...and my DNA is negative for the gene mutation that causes breast cancer!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy I could scream from from the rooftops! Wooooohooooooo!!!!!
I was tested for the mutation for two reasons. The first being that if I were positive for the mutation then the surgeons would recommend a double mastectomy and the removal of my ovaries to help minimize my risk of a recurrence of cancer. The second reason would be to determine whether the other women in my family would carry the mutation and therefore be at a higher risk of getting cancer too. I was terrified that the results were going to come back positive and then I would have to worry about Grace being positive too (she would have had a 50% chance that I passed on the mutation). I am so relieved now that I know that I haven't passed on a "Cancer Gene" to Grace and that hopefully, with the right lifestyle, she will never have to go through this. That's the only thing that really matters to me.

On another note, I breezed through the side effects of my last treatment. I had a few really rough days but they weren't as severe as the treatment before. Only two more chemo treatments. Wow! I can't believe how close I am getting to the end of these treatments. Next month I have an MRI to find out how well the chemo did at destroying my tumour. I can no longer feel a lump but the MRI will tell us what really is going on and then my surgeon will be able to tell me what kind of surgery to prepare for.

It's been a really good day. I'm feeling really good.

LOVE FROM ME TO YOU WHERE EVER YOU ARE. XO.